I've been labeled a whore
By the men who couldn't benefit
Off sexual coercion and assault of a child anymore
They call it all in good fun
Innocent love
Knowing damn well
They abused their way in being above
Does consenting include
Screaming, punching
The walls of my mind cracking, crunching
Come on your so beautiful
I'll pay for your lunch and
Now you owe me a debt
So we'll call it mutual interest
14, 15, 16, 17
Orphaned, hungry
No one protecting me
So these men thought they'd come back around
Spinning these lies to absolve the guilt they found
When they know I speak
of the truth they want no one to see.
They've made a story that I'm a prostitute
As they take action to try to execute
And had a nasty bitch pretending
Using my face
Dating profiles never ending
Because maybe the stupid bitch was jealous?
Come to find out
The reason behind it more insidious
So I thought it only fair
To let you all know
The truth of how I've walked
The best lessons come from the streets
Today its wisdom I talk
A father who fucked off left me in the cold
Chasing a new life, with a new daughter to hold
He built a new family as if I didn’t exist
Replaced by a smile while I was left in the mist
No family on either side to care or to fight
Self-righteous, they claim love, but for me its never in sight
They care for each other but not for me
Left out in the cold where love will not be
4:42am the numbers burned in my brain
-14 degrees fahrenheit a cold I can't explain
After spending the night sleeping in the cold
Not enough layers the warmth will hold
Do you know what those degrees feel like?
When breath turns brittle and lungs spike?
But I was only 15 and determined to walk
No one beside me just thoughts for my talk.
All adults in my life fucked right the hell off
But I stayed on my way,
Through frostbite and my life's downpour gray
I cared about learning
I fought my own way
And in the end I got nothing but A's
My entire teenage years I spent my nights on the streets
There was no one to go home to no place for retreat
Home was abuse, a war I couldn't fight
So I found solace under the city lights
Home was abuse, a war I couldn’t withstand
So I sought comfort in the streets with those who understand
No, there was no sex involved, I was looking for light
In the faces with similar stories to tell at night
Each with something to say
They’d tell me that me being there was the best part of their day
Like I heard their pain in a world of decay
But I was only a child their burdens unrehearsed
And somehow my listening just made them feel worse
Wondering if I'd get them in trouble
Or if they'd end up in a hearse
But all I would do is just listen to their strife
Hoping those moments could be a better part of their life
I was just a child hearing every word they spoke
Trying to heal them with the little hope I could evoke
So 19 I went to community college
Thanks FAFSA I graduated with a 3.9, full of knowledge
I walked and I walked and put myself through the grind
I learned early they can destroy my life but never my mind
When it was time to get my diploma I missed out on the walk
There would be no one in the crowd, no one to talk
No applause, no cheers, just a quiet empty space
But I earned it all though no one saw my face
So I just picked it up at the office instead because you see
It's made clear my whole life the celebration is not for a person like me
So here I am at 22 years old,
My first son is born
One week postpartum facing nothing but scorn
He was a blizzard baby 2015
12 foot high banks my struggle unseen
But what was seen was the blood trail that I left
Walking through snow, torn and bleeding, so I could get my benefits.
I hadn't had a meal yet
I was headed to the office for the EBT card I could get
On my way to get food stamps just to survive
Fighting through pain, but hey at least I'm alive
There was no one to take care of me
That is a privilege not meant for me
Alone is what I have to be
After being abused in the delivery room heavily
By "mothers" who swear they're a better one than me
Drugs in the system, you can see it on their face
A family of criminals & addicts with lies to embrace
Swears she took nothing and the bitch aunt didn't give her any but the truth is clear
They both destroy everything, leaving pain and fear.
But then they can just conveniently forget,
Caught in the haze of the drug binge threat
Blind to the wreckage the hurt that they both have caused
As if the aftermath could just be paused
I just want to protect my baby
So each step a reminder of the pain I withstood
Fighting for my son just trying to do good
So I leave a trail of blood on the ground
As I continue to walk, because for him my purpose is found
April 2024 I just had my baby girl
I'll never forget that night as my blood poured on the floor
Everyone sure I wouldn't be here anymore
One of you thought it'd be funny to sabotage my life
After I put myself out there publicly,
Thinking I could share my messages and speak, but you made it ugly
I was almost homeless and now I'm picking up the pieces
No phone, no internet, my life literally came crashing down
Debt collectors calling me every day now I look like a clown
But I’m rebuilding from the wreckage, finding my way
Even when the world tried to take it all away
I regret nothing I am here for those who need it
3 Weeks postpartum I hobbled down 2 miles to a wi-fi spot
I can't help but be that light in the dark
I care about you all, believe it or not
The insight isn't for myself it's just in case
One of you might not make it through the night the same
I don't ask for a dollar I only ask that you please
Help someone else when you see they're in need
Lend a hand, show some kindness, it’s all we can do
Because the world gets brighter when we help others through.
I have a lifetime of stories all of this to say
But if I continue to write, you'd be reading for days
About every time that I've walked despite the pain and the strife
And how I kept on moving just to reclaim my life
Now I walk alongside those it truly matters to
The cast out, the broken, the ones society forgets too
It’s turned into something more, a purpose I now see
Because with all that I've endured comes wisdom set free
For those who are villainized, whose lives are a game,
Their meaning twisted, their pain turned to shame.
Their struggles are fodder for others' cruel fun,
But I'll stand with them, until the battle’s won.
I will guide the way to help many find a light
Walking with those who need it most through the darkest of night
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