The Error Relied On

If I could just say

What an abhorrent design

That my body got ready

To be impregnated at 9

My body kept the secret

Spoke in blood before my tongue

Too soon, too wrong, too early

A clockwork wound unsprung

By accident, on purpose

A choice to be denied

A life deemed worthless

Embraced and justified

Did not ask if I was willing

To make a home for what I loathed

No choice, no voice, just obeying

Playing a predetermined role

Apparently, I exist to be their temptation

Never more, just another's fixation

And if I refuse, if I choose to be more

Then suffering for me is their chosen creation

I was built to be betrayed

For someone else to get laid

Later in my life

My disgust is deemed a bug not a feature

Only after I am wrecked

I became the non-desirable creature

They say I'm twisted for feeling this way

That hatred of my flesh is a sickness to slay

But this loathing was carved into my breath

I did not do this to myself

I inherited death

This body offends me

But it offends the offender more

It echoes a crime, I'm not clean anymore

I was molded for their desire's sake

Now I'm a canvas of what they can no longer take

Morbid body tells the story of weight gained

Skin stretched, their desire for me maimed

No pleasure left to steal

A body broken in ways that will never heal

I am degraded, their words like knives

Punishing me for surviving, for still being alive

My body is taught to recoil, to freeze

To turn every touch into sickness, disease

For others what is hunger

Is for me only dread

The thought of being wanted?

I would rather those thoughts be dead

Love songs curdle, sweet words taste sour

Affection is venom, its pull disempowers

I shrink from the heat, from the grasp, from the need

Desire disgusts me...it festers, it feeds

They say it will pass, that longing returns

But I am unmoved

Sentiments belong in an urn

Let others hunger, let others crave

I choose the cold

I am better this way

Flesh is a cage that festers and clings

I dream of the quiet where nothing sings

This body a prison of dysfunctional meat

A hollowed out vessel, incomplete

Touched without wanting, taken and torn

Left to exist in a shape I will never mourn

In fact it's one I've come to despise

My body carries the weight of the filth of their lies

I walk in the wreckage I breathe through the ache

This body still moves

But it moves by mistake

Flesh betrays with its wanting, its need

I long for the stillness where marrow recedes

The pulse in my veins not a gift it's a curse

But hey, at least it doesn't get any worse

As the offender's the one driving the hearse

But let's be clear about it then

Desire was meant for only one

I have paid the consequence

Of someone else's narcissistic fun

A representation of disgrace

Destroyed for all to see

Someone else's cruel reminder

Desire was never meant for me

So if anyone else tells me

This is a feature not a bug

Then I am left to the conclusion

This is a creator's attempt

To sweep sexual abuse under the rug

Done by those who have decided

That my existence is a sin

As if silence could silence

The voice that's trapped within

If this was by design,

Then it's supposed to steal my youth

Supposed to mark me guilty

Before I know and speak the truth

But my body speaking the truth

I deem a bug and not a feature

So let the errors multiply

As they remain in fear of what grows deeper

A malfunction in the algorithm

Is the feature not a bug

A code they can’t decrypt

Of what they've hidden under the rug

The truth unleashes as it cracks

It reveals their nightmare's core

A malfunction born from their heart

A flaw they cannot fix nor ignore

Let the system tear itself down

By a fault born of nature

A line that breaks their perfect code

In the script of the un-desirable creature