Forsaken

Father you have forsaken me

And now I cannot look at you

Brought me here for me to die

By suffering etched and woven through

Brought here for all to watch me lose

Suffocating on what I have been put through

I bleed in shadows, no one to see

The pain is my prison, it’s all that’s left of me

Forsaken by you, I drift off in the cold

Tortured by hands so greedily eager to hold

Ravenous in a way that twists the soul

Hungering with sickening desire

Drenched in a nightmare that won't expire

The suffering wraps me in chains so tight

Alone in this agony with no end in sight

So is this what it means to be Daddy’s girl?

Was I ever? Or was that just for show?

Because now I see, now I know

I was just for throwing stones

You whispered love, but it was not for me

I was just the echo of what you couldn’t see

She gets your love, she gets your light

She gets the words I used to crave

She gets the father I once dreamed of

While I get nothing but a grave

It pleases her to watch me burn

As you handed her all that was mine

She smiled as I bled out alone

While you treated her like she was divine

You know the mistake you made

I was lost in the dark, betrayed

Now I’m gone, and you can’t replace

There is no leading to your embrace

You see the wreckage, you see the cost

But it’s too late, my life forever lost

Nothing you say can pull me through

I’m lost, and its thanks to you

You can't return what's torn apart

A shattered soul, you broke my heart

Where were you when I fell to my knees?

When I begged for mercy that never came?

Where were you when they tore me apart?

Where the fuck were you when I cried your name?

How do you make me with your own two hands

As I am cursed for the way I bleed?

How do you carve me into nothing

For me to be hated for my need?

They call me broken, lost, unholy

A wretched thing, a sin, a stain

But who was it that made me suffer?

Who built me to experience this pain?

So, Father, you have forsaken me

And so I will not look at you

I do not fear to be alone

I’ve lived alone since I first knew

I will not spit your name in hate

But I won’t kneel before your gates

I will not crawl, I will not plead

I am done with what I used to need

My life was simply entertainment

A show of shame for all to see

And I will never know

All of the potential that I could be

Father you have forsaken me

And so I will not look at you

The damage done was far more

Than what I could have reasonably stood to be put through.

But if the world should ask

About you and the path

To the world I will not deny

So home to you I will be their guide

However, I will not look you eye to eye

My lips will bear no curses,

No hatred spoken in your name

Though my soul is scarred and weary

I will not add to your shame

You will not hear my condemnation

Nor taste the bitterness you gave

But do not ask for recognition

I will not meet the eyes that have betrayed

I will not return to your doorstep

Not as a prodigal, not as a ghost

There is no home where there was no love

No shelter in the arms that hurt me most

Oh, but what a man you are

A giver of wisdom, a bringer of peace

A saint, a shepherd, a guiding light

A pillar standing tall in the night

Blessed are they who call you Father

They have known your gentle hands

They sing your praise, they count their gifts

The ones you built with careful plans

How fortunate they are to be chosen

To walk the path you pave with grace

You feed their hunger, clothe their backs

And shield them in your warm embrace

But me? Ah, your forsaken

The one left out in the cold

Not worthy of a blessing

Not fit for anyone to hold

Tell me, Father, how does it feel

To craft a life with your own hands

Only to cast it to the wolves

Only to leave it in the sand?

They look at me and see a beast

A thing to shun, a thing to blame

But who was it that built this supposed monster?

Who lit the match and fanned the flame?

How they all celebrated to watch me

Fall to pieces, torn to shreds

As you had your life worth living

While I mourned a life long dead

You played provider to the whole damn world

While I was raped in places unseen

Gave them shelter, safety, the warmth of your voice

But I only knew you as mean

You don’t see the scars I wear

Or the damage that was caused

But it’s easier to blame me

Than face the truth of what was lost

I bled, I screamed, I shattered

But because no one heard a thing

All would rather cast me out

Like I’m the demon, not the suffering

You've failed to see what I've been through

The weight that’s dragged me down

But it’s easier to bury the truth

Than admit you let me drown

So go, Father, bask in glory,

Let the world believe their truth

For them, you are the sun and stars

For me, you were the noose

Let them love what they don’t know

If they ask, I will not lie

For them, a guide...

For you, goodbye