You hate that I defend the man, the father, the leader, the one in charge, the one you tried to tear down, because it disrupts your narrative, your need to cast yourself as the righteous destroyer of monsters.
You hate that I wouldn’t let your anger consume me, that I refused to become the warrior you demanded, fighting for a cause of destroying the child within me.
You wear the ones you’ve dismantled as badges of honor, trophies to the justice you claim to wield. But in defending him, I have become your enemy, haven’t I? My refusal to condemn, to fall in line with your fury, is an unforgivable betrayal in your eyes. Yet you don’t see the cost of your crusade, the lives left shattered in your wake, as you justify destruction in the name of vindication.
You hate that I called him the father, that I respected his 50% contribution, that I chose to see the parts of him beyond the scars. You wanted me to sever him entirely, to share in your rage, to erase him from the picture. You hate that I not only see his flaws, but I love how human they make him.
But I would not. Not for me, not for the child who needed something more than a fractured history. You see it as betrayal, but I see it as building something from the wreckage of my life and his, even if it’s imperfect.
You hate that I uphold his place, and that I honor every version of him, even his most deeply flawed, imperfect self, as it is the same as my own, I honor and love another as myself, and you hate that too.
You hate the love a father has for his children, that they WILL live. You hate the love of a child to a father, that HE is the authority, and you hate that a father would fight for his children, and you love when you can take that fight away and turn it into a one sided argument that will destroy his role as the father.
They called me hysterical when I screamed, but my voice wasn’t madness, it was survival. I was reliving the terror of childhood abuse as you brought yourselves to my door.
My scream wasn’t just a reaction, it was a shield, a barrier against the past of you consuming my present, a primal defense of the future I was fighting to protect. You have internal prejudice, and you want me to hate this father as much as you won't admit you do based on your bias, and you want me to internalize this hatred towards my own self. You protect predators, and you want me to feed it just as you have.
Every strained note, every trembling cry, was my declaration that I would not let my boundaries be crossed, as I have much to defend behind the lines, my children and securing their future of being competent by being loved. You may have seen chaos, but my scream was clarity, a refusal to let silence bury me again.
It wasn’t chaos, it was resistance. You protected the predator by labeling my terror as an illness.
I am working to build from the shadows of what was done to me and others as we all sit in the horror of silence and what we are too afraid to admit. I will be the voice for all of them, even if they do not protect me, I will protect all of us from the destructive nature of being destructive. It ends with me. I will be where it ends.
Yet, if you stood with them, not me, you became part of the betrayal, another voice silencing mine, another hand pushing me back into the atrocity I have fought so hard against.
This is no longer about you, this is about me and the love I choose to nurture.
It’s about my decision to move forward, to build something meaningful in the ashes of what was broken.
You want to make this a war, to pull me into your fight, but I won’t live in that space anymore.
My love is not an endorsement of the past, nor a dismissal of the pain, it’s a choice to rise above it. To focus on what can still grow instead of what was destroyed. You don’t have to understand it, and you don’t have to agree. This is about me reclaiming my life, my decisions, and my future. It’s about choosing love, even when it doesn’t look like what you think it should.
And I want the same for you, to find the strength to choose love over the weight of the past, to nurture something that heals rather than destroys. You deserve a future unbound by anger, a life built on the freedom of your own choices.
But you have to choose that for yourself, I cannot make that choice for you. But I will not back away from what is true, all anyone ever needs is just one meaningful connection to bring out the full potential of a father, and that for me is worth defending.
You can fight a war within yourself, because you will not declare war with me. I have chosen my path, one of healing and understanding, love and nurturing.
I have made peace with who I am. I do not fight wars, I end them.
They were groomed and coached to be that way, however it's still a choice , If they stood witness to everything they choose to defend and see from a distorted fishbowl with warps and cracks leaking water knowing fishbowls are round without edges . experiencing life and research and developing a true understanding of what a fishbowl suppose to look like what it's purpose and how to maintain it. That person still chooses to view life and defend a warped cracked distorted fishbowl that leaks, and become angry when some disagrees and chooses a clean fishtank and want to destroy it. How about if they just hold on to the warped fishbowl and leave everyone else be. Why g…
It amazes me how people choose an alliance, especially when it's not needed, it amazes me how someone can choose to align with hatred because they don't want to be hated, I amazes me to choose and align with popularity knowing you'll loose yourself and alliance with your own sense of being and peace. it amazes me how someone would choose an alliance with judgemental people but don't want to be judged. It amazes me how someone can take an alliance with people to hurt someone who put every cell of themselves to protect them from being hurt. It's an unworthy appreciation that is rejected and will be forever going forward. No matter what the relation. They made the choice…