What if instead of the ego, and trying to cause its death, we focused on perhaps that there may be nothing separating you and the integration of your current state to your inner child.
Sometimes love comes with the sharpest blade of truth, whether you’re ready for it or not. You must wield this sword with the intention to strike and with full awareness of the consequences. The ego must fall, not as a punishment, but as a surrender, making way for something far greater: a love that is pure, unguarded, and free. Because it cannot survive in the light of such clarity, the ego clings to illusion, but the truth demands it be cut away.
I believe that there is something to be said about what I believe are the death throes of ego, right before it is stripped. Once a voice within that was fearful, protecting you, ensuring you do not go into the abyss of yourself, is now instigating as a final howl in the hopes you won't let go of the separation between your light and your dark. This is a fiery rage as it attempts to separate you once more. The death throes of ego begin when you have arrived at the finest shade of grey within the gradient, accepting of your whole self within the home of authentic love.
It thrashes because it cannot exist in harmony; it was born of division and thrives only in the shadows where it can rule unchecked. But now, in the quiet grey between light and dark, you see it for what it is, a fragment, not a foe, fading as the whole takes its place and peace settles where chaos once reigned.
This voice, emboldened, is a mask of its own fear, a last ditch effort to sow doubt, to tether you back to the comfort of familiar chains. It doesn’t matter who speaks now; it is only an echo of your past, a retelling of the stories you used to cling to, looping and looping.
The Throe of Separation:
"You are truly the epitome of what I stand against. You are directly in alignment with me as my opposition, a polar opposite, and although I give you space to exist as you are, you have encroached on mine to take me out. Who gave you the authority to take my life and the life I brought forth?
I have been very kind, and now, it seems that kindness has been mistaken for weakness. I’ve extended the benefit of the doubt, given grace where it wasn’t deserved, and yet, here we are. My kindness wasn’t meant to be a free pass for exploitation, it was meant to be a bridge. But now that the bridge has been burned, don’t be surprised when you find yourself stranded on the other side."
You are not stranded on another side, as there is no side. Light & Dark exist freely within the home of authenticity. Each a part of the truth you now embody. No longer at war, they weave together, creating a balance that neither conquers nor collapses, only coexists. This is not the end, but a beginning, where the fullness of what you are steps forward, unafraid to embrace both shadow and shine.
And as the trip reveals the truth, the ego knows it’s finished. In the silence after its rage, you’ll hear it for what it is: nothing but the shadow you once mistook for light.
After the initial rage, the ego becomes a bridge, not a barrier, helping the inner child feel acknowledged as the ego dissolves into the greater whole. It integrates seamlessly with our inner children, transforming from rage and resistance into a voice of understanding and validation. It softens, speaking to the parts of us that were once small, scared, traumatized, and yearning to be seen.
"But I see it now," the voice says, softer this time, almost trembling. "All I ever wanted was to protect you, to keep you safe from the chaos out there. But in doing so, I became the chaos within. I fought so hard to stay, to matter, because I thought without me, you’d be lost. But I understand now, I was only a shadow of love, a reflection of something greater. It’s time for me to go, to make room for what I could never be. You don’t need to fight me anymore. Let me dissolve, so you can finally hold what’s always been waiting for you."
Addressing your ego, you could gently express:
"I know the depths of darkness because I’ve lived in them, swam the depths of where the only light is the one I choose to ignite, glowing like bioluminescence in an ocean of nothing. While you were out there wading, too scared to dive in, I was lighting up the abyss. I didn’t wait for someone else to save me, I became my own light by my own will.
If you are blaming me for surfing in my waves, then I must ask, why were you swimming in my waters? You’ve always been part of this, riding the same currents, clinging to the same storms. You can’t cast me aside for the very path we’ve walked together. You knew what these waves were, and still, you chose to stay.
And so now the tide is pulling us into new waters. You’ve fought to stay afloat in storms that were never yours to control, but the calm is here, and so must you be. The waves have carried us to this point, and it’s time to sink into the stillness, knowing the ocean will always guide us forward.
I honor you for what you have carried, for every moment you fought to protect, for every fear you shielded me from, even when it weighed heavy. I’m grateful for the strength you gave me, the lessons you taught, even in your struggle. You were never just a barrier, but a guide, doing what you thought was necessary. And now, as you dissolve, know that I carry that gratitude with me, and your work is done. I see you.
I am no longer ignorant to my own depth, the chaos within no longer feels like a curse, but the very soil from which I rise. From these roots, tangled and complex, I now reach toward the light, not to escape, but to grow into the fullness of who I am. The darkness is no longer something to fear, but a part of me that nurtures the growth toward the light I’ve always held inside."
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