People Who Are Safe To Interact With:
Respect personal boundaries and autonomy.
Practice listening and validates your feelings.
Communicate openly and honestly.
Demonstrate empathy and understanding.
Encourage your individuality and self expression.
Show reliability and follow through on commitments.
Create a non judgmental space for discussions.
Exhibit self awareness and emotional intelligence.
Support your personal growth and development.
Foster an environment of trust and security.
Practice forgiveness and let go of grudges.
Are accountable for their actions and behaviors.
Promote healthy conflict resolution.
Respect and honor your feelings and experiences.
Encourage mutual support and working together.
People Who Are Not Safe To Interact With:
Create a sense of obligation or debt.
Consistently ignore or violate personal boundaries, showing a lack of respect for autonomy.
Use guilt, fear, or shame to control feelings or actions, creating an unhealthy dynamic.
Attempt to dictate choices, relationships, or activities, undermining independence.
Make others question their own reality or perceptions, creating confusion and self-doubt.
Frequently lie or mislead, eroding trust in the relationship.
Use insults, sarcasm, or condescension instead of constructive dialogue.
Withdraw affection or support as a means of punishment or control.
Invalidate or trivialize emotions, making others feel unheard or unimportant.
Discourage or prevent spending time with friends or family, fostering dependency.
Demonstrate extreme jealousy or possessiveness, creating an uncomfortable or threatening atmosphere.
Refuse to take responsibility for actions or blame others for problems.
Involve others in dangerous or harmful activities without consideration for well-being.
Thrive on conflict and drama, often drawing others into unhealthy situations.
Exhibit inconsistent moods and behaviors, leading to a sense of instability in the relationship.
Pressure or coerce into situations or activities without respecting the right to say no.
Exhibit entitlement.
Manipulate situations for personal gain.
Are overly critical or judgmental.
Lack empathy or understanding.
Demean or belittle others.
Are secretive or evasive.
Encourage unhealthy competition.
Engage in passive-aggressive behavior.
Make others feel guilty for asserting themselves.
Display inappropriate anger or aggression.
Use threats or intimidation.
Refuse to accept differing opinions.
Prioritize personal needs over others.
Disregard the values and beliefs of others.
Affirmations For Recognizing Unsafety In Relationships
I trust my instincts when something feels off.
I will not ignore red flags or warning signs in my relationships.
I acknowledge that I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
I will listen to my feelings and emotions as valid indicators of my safety.
I recognize that manipulation and control are not expressions of love.
I will prioritize my well-being over others’ demands or expectations.
I understand that I have the right to set and enforce my boundaries.
I refuse to tolerate any form of emotional or physical abuse.
I will seek support when I feel uncertain about a relationship.
I recognize that I am not responsible for another person’s behavior or happiness.
I acknowledge that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and trust.
I will educate myself about the signs of unhealthy or toxic relationships.
I understand that my worth is not determined by another person's perception of me.
I will surround myself with people who uplift and support me.
I deserve relationships that foster growth and safety, not fear or insecurity.
Affirmations For Safety In Relationships
I will not impose myself on another person.
I honor the experiences and choices of others without judgment.
I choose compassion over criticism in my interactions.
I recognize that everyone is on their own unique journey and celebrate the rich tapestry of human experience.
I respect personal boundaries and communicate openly.
I empower others to express their true selves without fear.
I acknowledge my own biases and strive for understanding.
I commit to practicing consent in all of my interactions.
I foster an environment of acceptance and support.
I recognize the importance of emotional safety in relationships.
I prioritize communication and clarity in my connections.
I stand against shame and judgment, embracing love and compassion.
I value mutual respect and equality in all of my relationships.
I will respond to differences with curiosity not condemnation.
I reject the notion that shame has any place in healthy relationships.
I strive to be a source of support and encouragement for others.
I will not allow societal norms to dictate my perceptions of others.
I embrace the beauty of vulnerability and authenticity.
I choose to uplift rather than belittle those around me.
As per usual, this is for your own personal discernment and consideration. This is my own understanding.
Safe, healthy relationships are built on consent, and no, this is not a matter of morals, it is a matter of respect. Forcing your body, ideology, and identity onto another person, no matter where you fall on the spectrum of personal expression is not relational safety.
This conversation isn't about personal morals or subjective beliefs, I am having a conversation on ethics, focusing on the principles of respect, autonomy, and mutual consent in human interactions. Sexuality is a vast spectrum, and no matter where you fall on it, my opinion is that healthy sex is consensual intimacy and freedom to express it.
True empowerment when it comes to sexuality is uplifting others, promoting acceptance, and allowing individuals to navigate their own sexual journeys free from the weight of someone else's internal turmoil, shame, or oppression. Attempts to control how others express their identities and sexuality is harmful to all individuals. No genital should be forced on another person, regardless of sexuality, and no genital denied its right to be named, regardless of identity.
You are the one that calls 100% of the shots in what you choose and how you express yourself to others, you are the one that calls 0% of the shots in how another person expresses themselves and what they choose to do.
If you are engaging in sex with, or the identity of, another person, when the name is called for attendance, it should say "present." Saying "present" means that each individual is aware of their own identity and actively consenting to the dynamics of acknowledgment, respect, and the personal boundary of "I know where I end and another person begins." This is not strictly in adherence to sexual relations, this is across the board in all human interactions and engagements.
The freedom to identify oneself should be upheld for everyone. When one group imposes its identity on another by stifling individual expression, it undermines the very essence of personal autonomy and respect. True acceptance means allowing all individuals to define their identities freely without coercion, shame, or derogatory behavior/statements that sentence a person being locked in a closet, canceled or stifling their own identity in any which direction because of the tyrannical imposition of whoever seeks to control the room.
No justification, cultural, ideological, or otherwise, can excuse the harm caused by exploiting another person's body or suppressing their sexual agency. Forcing your own self hatred onto another person is a form of abuse that is profoundly damaging. When individuals project their insecurities, shame, or negative perceptions of themselves onto others, they create an environment of oppression and devaluation.
Morals often stem from individual or cultural values, which can vary widely, but ethics are grounded in universal respect for human dignity and rights. Ethical relational engagement or sexual behavior means honoring the freedom, agency, and boundaries of others, ensuring that mutual consent is always present, and never using power or manipulation to control or harm.
It's not about what someone believes is "right" or "wrong" based on personal values; it's about respecting the autonomy and integrity of all individuals involved.
Sexuality and relationships become weaponized when it is no longer an expression of intimacy, but a tool of oppression, shame, and manipulation, and when mutual consent and respect are disregarded in favor of control and dominance by denying someone's identity. Suppressing the truth of the individual further entrenches this cycle of harm, stripping away their dignity and autonomy in the process.
People Who Demonstrate Relational & Sexual Safety:
Mutually Consent: Both (or all) parties willingly agree to engage in sexual activity. It’s enthusiastic, informed, and freely given. Consent is never to be assumed or coerced.
Clearly Communicate: People should communicate openly about boundaries, desires, and what they’re comfortable with. There’s no assumption; everything is understood and respected.
Are Autonomous & Free: Each person has the freedom to say "yes" or "no" at any point, without facing pressure, judgment, or shame.
Understand & Respect Boundaries: Every party involved has the emotional and cognitive ability to recognize, communicate, and respect personal boundaries, both their own and their partner's.
Understand Emotional Maturity & Cognizance: Consent requires emotional maturity and cognitive development, both of which can vary significantly based on age and experience. Ensuring that both parties are on equal footing in terms of maturity and cognizance is vital to fostering healthy, safe and respectful interactions.
Listen Attentively and Encourages Dialogue: Engaging in conversations with genuine interest and attentiveness, ensuring that everyone feels heard and understood. Ensuring that and environment is fostered where questions and discussions about preferences, concerns, and feelings are welcomed without fear of retaliation or dismissal.
Promote Mutual Respect: You and them treat each other with dignity and honor each of your identities, fostering a culture of respect that permeates the relationship.
Recognize and Address Power Dynamics: You and all parties are aware of any imbalances in power and work to mitigate them, ensuring that everyone has an equal voice and influence.
Support Each Other's Needs and Comfort Levels: You and all parties are attentive to the emotional and physical needs of one another, adjusting your behavior to ensure everyone feels safe and comfortable.
Demonstrate Accountability: Each person takes responsibility for their actions and are willing to acknowledge mistakes, working collaboratively to resolve any issues that arise.
Promote Healthy Emotional Expressions: All are encouraged to express feelings and emotions in a constructive manner, helping to create a space where vulnerability is valued.
People Who Do Not Demonstrate Relational & Sexual Safety
Unsafe People Do Not Adhere To Consent
Force Non-Consensual Acts: Forcing someone to engage in any relational or sexual activity they haven’t consented to is a violation of their body and autonomy.
Command Their Ideology: This can refer to imposing beliefs about sexuality, gender roles, or moral values. For example, demanding that someone conforms to traditional or non traditional gender norms, expectations about marriage, or specific sexual orientations or preferences can be damaging.
Coerce Sexual Orientation and Identity: Unsafe sex also includes any scenario where someone is pressured or coerced into hiding or changing their sexual identity, or where they face harm for expressing it.
Engage While Someone Is Unconscious, Sleeping or Silent: Consent must be actively given by someone who is fully aware and conscious. A person who is unconscious, asleep, or otherwise silent is not giving consent, and engaging in sexual activity or any relational activity with someone in such a state is a clear violation of their autonomy. Consent must be continuous, informed, and given freely at all times.
Undermining Consent: Dismissing or belittling someone’s right to express consent, making them feel powerless in their relationships and sexual encounters.
Unsafe People Use Their Personal Convictions As A Weapon:
Revenge Porn & Sexual Blackmail: These are forms of weaponized sexuality where private sexual content is used to harm, shame, or control a person.
Rape & Sexual Violence: These are obvious and extreme examples of using sex as a weapon, where one person forces another into sexual acts.
Manipulative & Coercive: Using sex to manipulate or control someone emotionally or psychologically is also a form of weaponizing sexuality. This can include withholding affection as punishment or using sex as a tool for coercion.
Denying Someone's Identity & Body: Leaving people feeling dehumanized, restricted, or coerced into conforming to harmful societal or personal expectations is not safe. Imposing your own beliefs or failing to recognize the autonomy regarding your own genitals/ body and the genitals/body of another person is not safe. Consent to using or engaging with different bodies and identities is essential for safe sex. Denying someone's identity by forcing your own is not safe sex.
Exploiting Beliefs to Justify Control: Leveraging personal convictions to rationalize harmful behaviors, such as shaming or silencing others creates an environment of oppression. This undermines individual rights and freedoms, effectively using one’s beliefs as a means to exert power over another’s identity and choices.
Unsafe People Suppress Another Person's Freedom:
Judgment & Shame: Criticizing someone for their sexual preferences, orientation, or expressions.
Cultural & Religious Suppression: Many cultures or religions impose strict rules about who people can love or have sex with, stifling sexual freedom.
Identity & Sex: While terms like 'woman' or 'man' are commonly accepted in discussions about gender and identity, there is discomfort or stigma surrounding anatomical terms. Promoting open and respectful dialogue about all aspects of gender and sexuality can help create a more inclusive environment where individuals feel safe discussing their bodies and identities without fear of judgment.
Unsafe People Facilitate A Power Dynamic of Age Discrepancy
Informed & Voluntary Consent: Significant age gaps in relationships can create imbalanced power dynamics, making it harder for the younger person to give informed and voluntary consent.
Equal Maturity: Age discrepancy raises concerns about exploitation and the potential for coercion is is necessary that both parties are on equal footing in terms of maturity and autonomy.
Exploiting Power Imbalances: Purposefully taking advantage of age discrepancies in relationships can lead to manipulation, coercion, and sexual violence. Exploiting the emotional and cognitive immaturity of younger partners by using the influence of authority to pressure someone into sexual activity undermines true consent and autonomy.
Asserting Boundaries: Those in relationships with power imbalances struggle to assert boundaries, making them more vulnerable to coercion and sexual violence. Consent is not just about agreement but also about recognizing the ability to set limits and ensuring those limits are honored.
Younger individuals do not have the emotional maturity, cognitive capacity, or life experience needed to make informed decisions about sexual activity. Legal age of consent laws exist to protect individuals who may be too young to fully comprehend the physical, emotional, and psychological consequences of sexual relationships.
Unsafe People Shame Another Person:
Slut Shaming: This refers to criticizing or demeaning someone, often women, for their sexual behavior or perceived promiscuity.
Body Shaming: Sexual shaming often overlaps with body shaming, where someone is mocked or degraded based on their body size, appearance, bodily functions, or "sexual attractiveness."
Gender Norms: People are often shamed for not conforming to traditional gender roles, such as men being too "soft" or women being too "assertive" in their sexual preferences.
Character Assassination: Spreading false rumors or malicious information to damage someone’s reputation and discourage others from engaging with them.
False Accusations: Making unsubstantiated claims about someone's behavior or intentions to undermine their credibility and sexual agency.
Public Shaming: Exposing personal details or encouraging others to exclude individuals based on their sexual preferences, leading to humiliation and isolation.
Manipulation and Gaslighting: Twisting narratives or causing individuals to doubt their own experiences regarding their sexuality or that of another person.
Harmful Stereotypes: Encouraging others to shun or exclude individuals based on perceived moral failings, effectively punishing them for their choices or identity. Using harmful stereotypes to define and judge others' sexual identities, creating barriers to acceptance and understanding.
Exploitation of Vulnerabilities: Targeting individuals with past traumas or insecurities to manipulate them into silence or compliance, suppressing their sexual freedom and autonomy.
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