It is my own belief and theorizing for your own personal discernment.
Each one of us views the world through our own lens, shaped by experiences, biases, and emotions that can distort how we perceive truth. These filters of deception influence our actions, intentions, and judgments, often without us even realizing it.
When we are convicted by something, it feels like the truth is knocking at the door of our hearts, demanding our attention, urging us to act or change. But what if we just stopped, mid conviction, before rushing to conclusions or judgments? What if we paused and let ourselves feel the weight of that conviction without immediately acting on it, just sitting with it, allowing it to unfold and teach us, instead of forcing a response out of urgency? In that space of stillness, we might discover that our convictions are not as absolute as we thought, and that true growth comes from embracing the questions and uncertainties, not just the answers we’re so eager to claim.
Imagine if we all stopped mid conviction...
I will not protect you from the truth of you or I, however, I will walk beside you as you face it. I will hold space for your vulnerability, knowing that truth can be hard to bear, but it is through that very truth that we find our strength and growth. I will not shield you from the discomfort, but I will stand with you.
As you remind me that we are all learning and evolving, and together. You remind me of my own capacity of being a human being.
I do not blame you, and I do not judge you, because I understand how easy it is to act out of pain, fear, or confusion, even when we don’t intend harm. I see the vulnerability in your choices, just as I see the vulnerability in my own, and I know that we both carry burdens that others may never fully understand. In my heart, I choose compassion over condemnation, because I know what it feels like to make mistakes and hope for understanding. So, I meet you where you are, with empathy and an open heart, knowing that we are all just trying to find our way in this world.
I see how others will blame you, and I see how others will judge you, because I recognize that behind every action, there’s a story of struggle, fear, immense pain, and in many cases a longing for something more in the rage of potential. I’ve been there too, caught in moments where my own pain shaped my decisions in ways I didn’t fully understand, and I can’t expect you to be any different. I feel the weight of your journey, as I feel the weight of my own, and I choose to see you through eyes of understanding, not criticism. In this shared space of humanity, I offer my heart to you with understanding, knowing that we’re all just doing the best we can in a world that often asks too much.
Because I may very well be wrong, I am choosing to approach each moment with humility, open to learning, and ready to see things from a perspective I hadn't yet considered.
If I fail to consider the fullness of another’s experience, the complexity of a situation, or the possibility that our perspective is incomplete, then I am wrong.
And because I am wrong, I am ready to question my assumptions and convictions, and I am committed to evolving with each new insight. Because I am wrong, I am uncomfortable, but I am grateful for the chance to change and deepen my awareness.
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We are not here to achieve an ideal, we are actively living in the tension of not knowing everything but choosing to engage with integrity and accountability, ready to learn and adapt. In this constant state of growth, we embrace the uncertainty, understanding that true wisdom comes from the willingness to question, reflect, and evolve.
Humility is essential in navigating the complex dynamics of benevolence, violence, and the distortion of deception, as it allows us to recognize our own limitations and biases.
By embracing humility we open ourselves to deeper understanding, acknowledging that both our intentions and the consequences of our actions can be far more intricate than we may initially perceive.
Being humble with ourselves means accepting that we will make mistakes, and that these mistakes are part of our growth, not a reflection of our worth. It’s about giving ourselves grace when we don’t have all the answers or when our actions unintentionally harm others. To be humble with others, we listen deeply, acknowledging their experiences and perspectives without assuming we know what’s best for them. We apologize when we’re wrong, and we make space for others to express their truth, recognizing that we are all learning and evolving together.
I believe in order to align more authentically, we need to release the need to be "right" all the time and instead accept the consequences of our imperfections. The key lies in intention, but since we cannot always see or fully understand another’s intention, we must approach situations with humility, recognizing that our perceptions are limited.
Humility with ourselves is about letting go of the need for perfection and embracing the messiness of being human. It means acknowledging when we’ve hurt others or misjudged a situation, and instead of hiding from it, we take responsibility and grow from it. With others, humility is about truly seeing them, truly understanding them, not just hearing their words, but understanding their feelings and struggles without rushing to offer solutions or judgments. It’s knowing that everyone is on their own journey and that our role isn’t to fix, but to support and honor their experiences as valid and important.
It’s not about getting it right, it’s about accepting that we actually cannot get it right all the time.
The truth is, we cannot know what we don’t know, and in navigating relationships and our actions, we often operate in a realm of uncertainty. We may have the best intentions, but we still can't foresee every outcome or understand all perspectives fully.
This acceptance requires a humility of heart, acknowledging that perfect understanding is unattainable, and that part of being human is navigating the complexities of life with awareness of our limitations. It's the acceptance of uncertainty and the willingness to face the consequences of our actions while learning from them.
To embrace this is to live with vulnerability, the understanding that no matter how well we try, we are going to hurt others unintentionally, and in some cases, we are going to intentionally cause harm. We must be willing to work towards the understanding that the goal is not perfection but the commitment to grow.
Can you truly say you chose to be kind or hurtful when there is a distortion of deception in what you thought you were doing, but the reality was otherwise? A distortion of deception, whether rooted in ignorance or intent, can cloud our understanding of the impact of our actions, blurring the line between kindness and harm.
When I say distortion of deception, what I mean is that deception can be us having an incomplete understanding, making false assumptions, or lacking an awareness, and this interferes with the integrity of your choices.
And when there is the distortion of deception, your intentions may become clouded, and what you meant to offer as kindness can be perceived as manipulation, or what you meant as protection can be seen as aggression.
If the truth of your actions becomes distorted by the filters and interpretations of others, then it makes it difficult to discern if you're truly acting in alignment with your values or if you’ve unintentionally crossed your own boundary by following who already stomped over your line.
Do you know how much of your own intentions are authentic or shaped by external influences? The distortion of deception makes it harder to trust our own judgments, as we wrestle with the complex reality of how our actions are perceived versus how we intended them, and how are perceptions are intended versus how we actually acted.
And if someone else is dictating all of this, we are in danger, because we lose touch with our own truth allowing another’s perception or manipulation to shape our actions. When someone else’s influence overrides our sense of self, we risk becoming disconnected from our values, reacting based on their distortions rather than our own authentic intentions. This disempowerment can lead us to act in ways that are contrary to our integrity, leaving us vulnerable to exploitation and harm.
Actions can be intended as neutral or kind, but truthfully the real and true impact your actions have can diverge from your intentions due to this distortion.
By giving ourselves the opportunity to accept all perspectives, we honor the complexity of the life and human experience, recognizing that our intentions may not always align with the outcomes. This process of continuous reflection and growth helps us align more authentically with our true selves, ensuring that our actions and intentions harmonize with greater responsibility.
By challenging our own perceptions and being willing to listen to others’ experiences and perspectives, we can reduce the distortions we impose on reality. Honest reflection will allow us to see when we are deceiving ourselves or others, and it helps us to correct our course when we inadvertently cause harm.
Within the distortion of deception:
Someone can be unintentionally violent by being benevolent.
Someone can be unintentionally benevolent by being violent
Someone can be intentionally violent by being benevolent
Someone can be intentionally benevolent by being violent
Intentions are misinterpreted or masked
Actions are masked by a facade or justification.
Self awareness helps us align
Intentionally violent by being violent
where your actions are clearly aggressive or harmful, driven by a desire to dominate, retaliate, or assert control, and there’s no misunderstanding of your intentions.
Intentionally benevolent by being benevolent where your actions are genuinely kind, compassionate, and helpful, coming from a place of care and goodwill, and your intentions are clearly aligned with your actions.
So then, how could we navigate this distortion, and how can we ensure we are aligning authentically with our intentions?
Clarity, empathy, and accountability I believe are key to this process.
Clarity: Clear self reflection helps ensure that we are acting from a place of honesty and understanding, not from a clouded or self justified perspective. We must ask ourselves: What is my own true intention?
Empathy Stepping outside our own viewpoint and understand the perspectives of others. Recognizing that all perspectives exist, even if we can’t fully see or grasp them. Empathy requires us to listen actively and to respect that others may feel or interpret things differently than we do.
Accountability: Finally, accountability is crucial. We must take responsibility for our actions and their outcomes, whether or not they align with our intentions. Even when harm is unintentional, acknowledging the impact of our behavior allows us to learn and adjust. Accountability means holding ourselves to a standard of truth and integrity, and being willing to own our mistakes and to apologize when necessary and to course correct in the future.
You can be unintentionally harmful being benevolent, just as someone else’s filter might make your kindness feel like control or manipulation to them.
You can be unintentionally harmful being violent, because what you perceive as defense or reaction may be experienced as aggression or threat by someone else.
You can be intentionally harmful being benevolent, as your acts of "help" might be seen as condescending or patronizing through another's lens.
You can be intentionally harmful being violent, where your actions, meant to protect or assert yourself, can come across as power struggles or cruelty to those on the receiving end of your force.
You can be unintentionally harmful being benevolent, as your well-meaning gestures may inadvertently create dependence or make others feel incapable through their own perception of your actions.
You can be unintentionally harmful being violent, where your defensive or reactionary behavior might trigger fear or trauma in others, even when you don't intend to cause harm.
You can be intentionally harmful being benevolent, as your kindness may be used as a tool to manipulate or guilt someone into doing something against their will, masked as concern.
You can be intentionally harmful being violent, where your aggression is meant to assert control or dominance, but it becomes a means of domination or oppression from the perspective of others.
Below is outlined examples of how I see this distortion play out. These are everyday scenarios, but do understand the larger implications when we apply this concept on a macro level, and the more subtle implications when we do this on a micro level.
Benevolent Deception with No Bad Intentions:
Overprotecting someone by hiding the full truth, thinking you’re sparing them pain
Telling white lies to protect someone’s feelings, only to lead them to misinterpret reality or become disillusioned later.
Over helping or over advocating, offering unsolicited advice out of a desire to help, but making the other person feel inadequate or misunderstood.
Minimizing someone’s struggles to avoid making them feel overwhelmed, unintentionally invalidating their experiences.
Lying about someone’s well being to avoid worrying others, not realizing the false sense of security it creates.
Withholding information in an attempt to protect someone from the harsh truth, leaving them unprepared when they eventually find out.
Over committing to help out of a desire to be supportive, but ultimately overburdening the other person or making them feel incapable.
Downplaying challenges to avoid causing anxiety, but inadvertently setting unrealistic expectations for others to meet.
Attempting to protect someone by offering an overly optimistic or idealized perspective, leading them to overlook potential problems. An inaccurate perception that leads to disappointment or unpreparedness.
Providing assistance or emotional support without fully understanding the other person’s needs or boundaries. Driven by a desire to care, but the help provided can be perceived as overbearing or unwelcome.
Acting in a way that seems like kindness but creates a sense of guilt or pressure on the other person, causing them to feel indebted or obligated.
Benevolent Deception with Malicious Intentions:
Using someone’s nature against them by falsely portraying yourself.
Feigning kindness to manipulate someone into doing something for you
Pretending to care while secretly using the other person’s vulnerabilities
Exaggerating concern for someone’s well being to gain their trust, only to later manipulate them for personal gain.
Falsely offering help to create a sense of dependency, then using that dependency to dominate or control the individual.
Pretending to be a victim of a situation to gain sympathy or resources, while using the situation for personal gain or manipulation.
Exploiting someone’s good nature by pretending to need help, only to take advantage of their generosity without offering anything in return.
Offering advice under the guise of care, but the advice is self serving and designed to lead the person toward decisions that benefit you.
Creating an illusion of support to manipulate emotions, subtly isolating the person from others in order to gain influence or control.
Pretending to act out of kindness or concern, but the true aim is to manipulate, control, or dominate the other person.
Pretending to be a victim to manipulate others into offering help, resources, or emotional support
Over-exaggerating good intentions
Using an appearance of high moral standards or altruism to manipulate or gain power
Presenting oneself as morally superior to gain trust and influence, but they are only focused on benefiting themselves at the expense of others.
Violent Deception with Malicious Intentions:
Spreading false rumors to damage someone's reputation, intending to isolate or undermine them.
Manipulating a situation to provoke conflict between two people for personal gain or amusement.
Using threats disguised as concerns, intending to coerce someone into submission or compliance.
Gaslighting someone into doubting their own reality, causing emotional distress to manipulate them for control.
Pretending to be supportive while secretly sabotaging someone’s efforts or causing harm behind their back.
Lying about someone's actions to authorities or peers in order to ruin their credibility or opportunities.
Feigning innocence while secretly orchestrating harm or injustice, making the victim feel alone and confused.
Exaggerating minor mistakes to provoke intense punishment or reaction, using the situation to gain power over someone.
Violent Deception with No Bad Intentions:
Deceiving out of misunderstanding, defensiveness, or a misguided attempt to protect themselves or others, without a desire to cause harm.
Overreacting in anger due to a misperception of someone’s behavior, causing harm without realizing the exaggeration of the situation.
Lashing out during a stressful moment, thinking the other person intended to hurt you, when in fact they were unaware of their impact.
Misunderstanding a tone in communication and responding aggressively, without realizing your reaction is out of proportion to the situation.
Projecting fear onto others, causing harm by assuming ill intentions that were never there.
Defensive violence caused by assuming a threat, acting impulsively without clear understanding of the other person’s behavior.
Being triggered by past experiences, and reacting violently, even though the current situation doesn't warrant such a response.
Reacting with physical force to someone’s unintentional mistake, not realizing that they weren’t trying to cause harm.
Misinterpreting someone’s words or actions as a challenge or insult, and responding with aggression that could escalate the situation.
Lying to shield someone from the truth in an effort to prevent emotional harm or distress.
Lying or distorting the truth to avoid confrontation or to keep the peace, even though the deception might escalate the situation in the long run.
Withholding the truth to avoid causing pain, especially in sensitive situations, like protecting someone from difficult news. The goal is to preserve harmony or minimize harm, but the deception can backfire and result in more harm when the truth is revealed.
Telling half truths or embellishing facts to prevent someone from feeling rejected or hurt, but in the process, they end up feeling more confused or betrayed later. Protecting the other person’s feelings, but it can inadvertently lead to deeper emotional turmoil when the deception is exposed.
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