One of the loneliest and hardest paths I've chosen to walk down is breaking the cycle of generational trauma.
Many people fall away as you are excavating the truth, the ones they themselves have avoided for so long in order to perpetuate the pattern of feeding off of trauma responses. It is when you find yourself alone in this decision to be better that you realize everyone you've been surrounded by needs you to remain exactly where they refuse to leave, and at any cost, they will try to keep you there.
You learn what it truly means to be compassionate and forgiving, yet you are armed with the wisdom to not use these as a weapon against yourself to shield from the necessary truths that heal you and allow you to transcend this pain and stop repeating interactions that follow a pattern of abuse that inevitably turn into martyrdom and neglecting of yourself in a way that pacifies another.
When we can speak and live in truth, we are free.
You are the reward. Meeting your authentic self will all be worth it, but first you will swim through the trenches of grief as you begin to reject all ways of giving and receiving that speak to your traumatized, abused, and neglected self. When all of this is purged, you are left with gaping holes where love is always supposed to have been.
Pain that we are willing to face and purposefully feel gives us the ability to shine a light into corners of our hearts that we may have not even been aware of. It creates more space for what brings us joy. It is not the same as trauma, it does not have the same impact. It is pain, yes, but this pain remains in our control and therefore we can use it for our benefit. The difference between this type of purposeful pain and the pain that is inflicted by the patterns and the cycle of abuse is the choice to experience it, it is our free will to transform our weapons into tools and create building blocks that will be used as a solid foundation for living in our authenticity.
Love is not possessive, cruel, nor selfish. Love does not blame nor lay on guilt. It has no conditions, and it unconditionally accepts your imperfect human self. Love does not delude you, however, it forces transformation and elevation. Love is like fire, it cleanses and gives way to regrowth, and it does so unconditionally without hesitation, all will be lit in its path.
Love does not want to hold you tightly by the wings. Just as birds spread their wings and learn about the atmosphere and the conditions of its ability to fly in the environment it is in, and this is what love does for us. It reminds us of how beautiful our wings are, their intricate design, and it reminds us that we are to use them to fly.
Love allows us to take in all of the necessary information to fly, and then it supports us as we stumble and get accustomed to our wings. Sometimes, not on purpose, it may even remind you of your injured wing. It considers that too, and it sits with you and tends to it and finds a way for you to experience the altitude you are able to reach. It does not poke fun at your broken or missing wing, or remind you of what you can't achieve because of it. It does not clip your wings because it lacks awareness of its own.
We learn from a young age lessons of love from those who had a responsibility to show it to us. Most of us need to learn to redefine what love looks and feels like. What is in our best interest, and what is not. What helps us spread our wings, and what tries to keep us from flying by holding our wings down. What causes purposeful pain, the warmth that heals, versus the coldness of blunt force trauma, leaving us abandoned and disconnected.
We are capable of immense transformation, however, it is imperative that we experience purposeful pain in order to remove the limits we have placed on love. We are then able to be vulnerable again, except this time we will be more inclined to engage in connections that are peaceful, healthier, safer, and authentically considerate and mutually respectful.
When we accept that we are forgivable, that we are human, and that we are capable of laying our past selves to rest and give them our regards, then we can begin to open up to unconditional love and embrace ourselves compassionately.
When you give yourself the opportunity to be closer to your authentic self by breaking the cycle, you are bringing yourself home, one you may have never known, but have always deserved, a home where genuine love resides.
The Author - Rose
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